Friendship After The Nest Empties

The mission of The Sage Forum is to encourage, equip, and empower women over 40 to mature in faith and grow in wisdom. We send out a newsletter at the beginning of each month focusing on a different theme relevant to women in the second half of life.

Today’s Sage Forum Extra! is a short mid-month reflection meant to offer you a word of encouragement. Today’s Extra! is penned by Sage Forum friend Charlotte Guest. Charlotte is an artist, author, speaker and host of the podcast for those in their encore years, Empty Nest Guests. Visit her website to learn more about Charlotte’s ministry.  

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As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.–Proverbs 27:17

After my nest was empty, I had time to give attention to the friendships I’d cultivated to this point in my life. I realized that some relationships that once sharpened me were a part of my life for a season–but the season had passed and the relationships changed in intensity. Other relationships that revolved children’s activities have faded like old photographs.

Those changes needed a bit of attention. I learned valuable lessons from those past relationships that are helping me be a better friend in this new season of life. Changes and endings can carry grief, but they also hold an invitation to growth. 

Prayerfully reflecting on the reasons for those changes is a wise place to begin. Some changes in friendships are simple geography. Many people relocate at midlife or as they move toward retirement. Health problems or the loss of a spouse or child will shift some friendships into a different zone, as do caregiving responsibilities for family members.

Not spending time together can change the dynamics of a once-steady relationship. This new time in my life has revealed that some of my friendships have been based on shared history and not on ongoing purpose.            

I want to be open to God’s sharpening purposes in my relationships. I pray each day, “Lord, show me Your way. Lead me to those you want me to be with.”

This prayer has helped me move forward and has created opportunities to develop some meaningful new relationships. Because of them, I’ve tried a new hobby and visited spaces and places I might not have otherwise. I am learning in this empty nest time to listen to the Lord’s leading, to open my heart, and to be intentional in nurturing friendships.

I am also recognizing in this season of change that there is a temptation to isolate myself and turn my focus inward in unhealthy ways. To combat that, I am also learning to lean into my relationship with my dearest friend, Jesus. He meets me there, and inevitably spurs me to move outward toward others. A coal separated from fire loses its heat. To keep the fire and energy of my walk with God, I need to continue to pursue meaningful friendships, with old friends and new. Friendship hones my soul, and I pray I am doing the same in all the best ways in this season of my life.  

Lord, I thank you for the friends that have once been a part of my life but have gone on to new seasons. Thank you for those who are currently part of my life, and for those friends you have waiting for me just ahead. Please use all of these relationships to sharpen me so I can be a blessing to others. And above all, thank you for Your friendship, Lord.   

For further reflection: Which friendships have faded or shifted in your life after your nest has emptied or your’ve moved into midlife? How did those relationships shape you? Give thanks to God for the lessons you learned from those friendships – and consider writing one of those people a short note to let them know you are grateful for the gift they have been in your life.

For more on the topic of friendship, we commend to you the book Living Connected: An Introvert’s Guide to Friendship by Sage Forum contributor’Afton Rorvik.