Health: You Don't Know What You Got `Til It's Gone
In her 1970 folk-rock classic “Big Yellow Taxi,” singer Joni Mitchell asked the wistful rhetorical question, “Don’t it always seem to go that you don’t know what you got `til it’s gone?” She may have been lamenting about creeping suburban sprawl, but her question could be applied to any number of things in our lives including youth, finances, or leftover Halloween candy.
For many of us at midlife and beyond, however, the question points at health issues. The body we may have taken for granted in our youth surprises us by demanding our attention as we age. It may be in the form of natural processes, like perimenopause, which can last for 7-10 years. Or it may come in sudden jolts like an unwelcome diagnosis, a battle with a flare of chronic illness, or an injury that sidelines us from what we thought was going to be our regularly-scheduled life. Illness is loss, and most of the time, we don’t realize the extent of what we’ve lost until it is gone.
For some reading this, a difficult diagnosis will usher you into an unwelcome new normal. In other cases, a decline in health will shade your lives in other ways, as parents, spouses, or friends deal with the effects of aging, disease, or injury. Those kinds of changes to your own health or to the health of someone you love are almost always accompanied by grief in all its forms. Something is being lost.
I received a life-altering diagnosis of a rare chronic illness in my mid 50’s and have had a couple of serious trip-and-fall injuries since that time. I fight my way toward the best form of wellness I can achieve, but in the process, I am also learning how to accept what is no longer possible in my life. Frankly, that journey looks a lot like grief at times, as I mourn what may now be gone for good. I recognize that these losses hold invitations: to wisdom, to acceptance, to deeper knowledge of the One who suffers with us.
I used to tell my kids that inside every ‘no’ I had to give them there were many ‘yesses.’ I am learning that very same lesson in this chapter of my life. I may tabulate my losses, but I’d be remiss if I didn’t also count God’s yesses in the form of wisdom and patience infused into my life in ways I never could have imagined when I was young and relatively strong.
What about you? If you’ve battled health challenges at this stage of your life, what kinds of things are you discovering about yourself, others, and God? Have you detected an invitation in your losses? Please tell us about it–and read on for Dorothy Greco’s reflection on self-care, some additional resources on the topic of health, news about our upcoming writer’s workshop (could that be an invitation for you right now?) and more.
Shalom,
Michelle Van Loon
Once we hit fifty, we’re officially past our prime and our bodies know it.
Muscles take longer to recover from injury or overuse. Illnesses take longer to shake. Our joints and teeth begin to show signs of wear. Depression can become an unwanted companion. Solid sleep becomes evasive. It can sometimes feel that our calendars are overrun with probing, prodding, and scanning appointments.
We are not imagining these seismic shifts. Statistics support our experiences.
Women over fifty are much more likely to face colon and breast cancer, heart disease, osteoporosis, and stroke. Despite the overwhelm that can result from our new reality, we are not without agency. There’s much we can—and much we shouldn’t—do.
As I write in Marriage in the Middle, “Unless we have a full blown health crisis, we may be lulled into thinking we can get away with sloppy or inconsistent self-care. The truth is, we can no longer afford to neglect our bodies.” So what does it look like to take care of ourselves in this time frame? The specifics will be unique for each of us but big picture, I noted “self-care should mean creating life that’s enjoyable and sustainable for the long-haul.”
At minimum, self-care should include some iteration of the following:
1. Do a 360 regarding what you eat and what gets into your body through your life-style and your environment. Aim to eat whole foods that are minimally or unprocessed. Reduce your alcohol and sugar intake. The average American consumes sixty-six pounds of sugar each year. Cutting that back lowers your caloric load (which is important as we don’t burn calories as efficiently post menopause) and reduces the risk of diabetes. Eliminate as many toxins in your home as possible. Think cleaning solutions, personal car products, and one that’s often overlooked: bedding.
2. If you are physically able, exercise at least thirty minutes, five times a week. Muscle mass begins to shrink in our fifties which means we need to use it or lose it. Additionally, weight bearing exercise reduces the risk of osteoporosis much more efficiently and cheaply than prescription drugs. You don’t have to train for marathons or spend a lot of money to pull this off. Walking, swimming, yoga, and biking are all terrific, low impact options. Exercise is not going to happen unless we prioritize it. Schedule it along with your meetings and other deadlines.
3. We all know that we are supposed to get seven to eight hours of uninterrupted sleep each night. I’m guessing that I’m not the only one who fails to achieve this goal. Despite herculean efforts (including black-out shades, rigid sleep hygiene, and no electronics after 7 PM), I often wake up around 3, after about four hours of sleep. After years of this unwelcome habit, I’ve learned not to fight it and more importantly, not to despair in the early morning hours. (You can read more on that here.) This is why I have a stack of books and a journal by my bedside. (I will confess to you that I have uncharitable thoughts when folks who obviously don’t struggle with insomnia suggest that God is waking me up so I can pray.)
4. Pay attention to your mental health. Statistically, women in midlife have the highest rates of depression and anxiety. (Unbelievably, most docs will assure you this has no connection with fluctuating hormones. Face plant.) If we’ve gone through the first forty or fifty years of our lives without mental health issues, this can feel surprising and confusing. Diet, exercise, and healthy friendships sometimes move the needle in the right direction but if you notice that you have lost interest in activities that used to bring you joy, struggle to accomplish tasks, or are withdrawing from relationships, please reach out for help. Repeatedly.
5. Consider adopting writer April Yamasaki’s suggestion to create a “Don’t Do List.” We women tend to be doers. We notice, we support, we help, we sacrifice—sometimes to our own detriment. As our bodies slow down, we need to scale back what we do by choosing a “holy no” more regularly.
Our maturing bodies constantly remind us that there’s no turning back to our former, younger selves. This is humbling and can sometimes feel disempowering and destabilizing. Rather than being a crisis of limitations, the aging process can serve to remind us what’s important and provide us with opportunities to lean on and take comfort in those around us as we receive God’s grace, mercy, and strength.
Header photo by Kalen Emsley on Unsplash.
* Additional reads about health and wellness
Six ways to come home to your body
Who do you want to be? The clock is ticking.
Getting to the root of the matter
Chronicjoy.org is a faith-based resource hub for those dealing with chronic illness, pain, disability, or mental illness.
Join some of The Sage Forum team for our Writing Your Next Chapter Workshop designed just for beginning and intermediate writers!
It’s time to explore taking your writing dream seriously! We’ll be meeting via Zoom on Saturday, January 28th from 10 AM to 1 PM (Eastern) for this interactive workshop. Cost is only $25!
Space is limited! Register today!
What We’re Reading and Watching Right Now
Charitable Writing: Cultivating Virtue through Our Words–Two writing professors from Wheaton College (IL) collaborated on this thoughtful and practical book that masterfully ties together faith and writing. The authors write in the introduction, "The grammar of the schoolbook--though important!--is not our direct concern; we inquire, instead, into how we might write according to the grammar of faith." I look forward to diving into the three parts of this book (Humble Listening, Loving Argument, Keeping Time Hopefully) with two writing friends this year. (AR)
Leo Tolstoy's classic War and Peace, an epic story, masterfully crafted, famous for length (1100 pages) yet absorbing—a wonderful read. Historical, philosophical, character-driven, and filled with wisdom. And delightful sentences: "Nothing's so necessary for a young man as the society of clever women." (CD)
I Used To Be Famous (Netflix) tells the story of a one-time British boy band star who has fallen on hard times. His unlikely friendship with a drummer with autism is an exploration of regret, hope, and growth. (MV)
An Uncommon Guide to Retirement by Jeff Haanan is a solid book about the biblical view of work/retirement and a better perspective on retirement. Chapters on culture, sabbath, calling, work, family and health, among others, are punctuated by highlighted comments such as, Common: Retirement is a life stage “preparing for the end” vs. Uncommon: Retirement is a contemporary social construct that allows men and women to prepare for a new season of life and Common: The road to deep freedom in retirement is found in self-actualization vs. Uncommon: The road to deep freedom in retirement is found in self-surrender. (JA)
This Month’s Spiritual Practice
In her article above, Dorothy Greco suggested creating a “Don’t Do” list. What would it look like in your life to say ‘No’ to something? What makes saying it difficult for you? If you choose to say “No”, what other possibilities might open up in your life or in the life of others around you?
Coming in Next Month’s Newsletter: Covid and the Church
What has and hasn’t changed in your church context as a result of three years of Covid? What have you been discovering about faith and community during this time? We’d love to hear from you!
“We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body.” (2 Corinthians 4:8-10)
Friend, how did you know? After a chunk of the last two years with searing pain down my left leg and numbness in my left foot. After noting I was highly unstable in my lumbar spine, I opted for spinal fusion while I was still relatively younger(ok, I’m 63 --but younger than 68 or in my 70’s) and up to the rehab. I’m nearly 2 weeks out and had my first bad postop day yesterday. It’s been contact with my friends and the care of my husband, all of whom are “Jesus with skin on” for me. While praying and reading have been very difficult, I’m trying to rest in this “no” season and look for the “yeses”; a visiting friend opened my eyes to some activities to continue while I wrestle with pain and relative immobility. I do hope I haven’t lost too much, but there was more to gain with surgery than without, and spiritually hope to regain strength and faith during this season of life.
Love this topic. It's unfortunate we rarely learn from our elders. Instead we most often learn by doing. Yet, once we 'do' our 50th birthday, some things are not easily undone. Regardless, I still choose to live by one of my favorite sayings, "It's never too late to live happily ever after." I do all I can to engage a healthy lifestyle and take time to appreciate the little things I missed when my life was passing by at break-neck speed. Your topic re-affirmed my focus and the importance of saying 'Yes' prayerfully.