Stepping Into The Wilderness (Again)

The mission of The Sage Forum is to encourage, equip, and empower women over 40 to mature in faith and grow in wisdom. We send out a newsletter at the beginning of each month focusing on a different theme relevant to women in the second half of life.

Today’s Sage Forum Extra! is a short mid-month reflection meant to offer you a word of encouragement. Today’s Extra! is penned by Sage Forum contributor Carole Duff, who offers us an honest reflection about the wilderness experiences she’s faced. You’ll likely resonate with her story. You can read more of Carole’s wise words here.

---

But God led the people around by the way of the wilderness toward the Red Sea. And the people of Israel went up out of the land of Egypt equipped for battle. Exodus 13:18 ESV

We cannot be God’s people without walking into our own wildernesses, Sinai experiences that lead us into the unknown. Places of becoming, liminal places, thresholds such as leaving home, marriage, becoming a parent. Or in the second half of life, letting go when children leave home, parents die, purposeful professions end and our road ahead is uncertain.

I don’t know many who wholeheartedly step into these rite-of-passage wildernesses without misgivings, let alone enjoy the uncertainty. We prefer ordered lives and predictability; in fact, some would rather live in bondage or die than embrace change. Like the Hebrews leaving the land of Egypt, we want freedom from external bondage without surrendering our internal wills to God’s plan for us.

Wilderness wanderings can last for months even years, depending on how long we stubbornly cling to being stars in our own stage-shows, writing our selfish scripts, putting ourselves before God. Or for other reasons, known only to Him. In our third season of life, as we look in our rearview mirrors, we might conclude that our entire lives have been spent in uncertainty and control was an illusion.

Is there a way out of the wilderness and into the Promised Land? Yes, but only if we humble ourselves and embrace God’s will for us. His guiding path moves us toward Him, the place where we find our true identities as His children. As with the Hebrews’ wanderings, we are slowly sculpted, our rough edges stripped away so we can draw closer to the people we are meant to be. But fear is a powerful dissuader, as it was in the Sinai. Though God equips us for battle, both external and internal, trust is not automatic and rarely comes when we first step into—or circumstances drive us into—our wildernesses.

The first time I entered the wilderness, the what-am-I-to-do-with-my-life wilderness toward the end of college, I desperately asked the God I didn’t believe in for direction. When my teaching profession appeared soon thereafter, my response was, “Never mind, I found the answer myself.” At age forty, I went kicking, screaming, and wailing into the how-could-I-have-failed-so-miserably-at-marriage wilderness. After two years of intense suffering and divorced wandering, I emerged a believer. Twenty years later, I crossed into the who-am-I-now-that-I’m-no-longer-parenting-or-teaching, third season of life wilderness. After seven years of painful wandering, dragging along time-tested behaviors that no longer fit, I finally surrendered to His care and prayed—aloud. A taste of freedom came with the discovery of the person I was meant to be: humble, honest about my selfishness and failings, grateful for the gifts I’d been given, in awe of His grace and mercy. In Christ, I bear the mystery of human suffering and His glory; and in my best moments, I receive God’s love and maybe for a split second, return that wondrous love.

God’s path for us is marked clearly in His wilderness classroom. His provisions, second chances—remarriage for me—instructions on how to live and flourish. He also shows us our stumbling blocks—complaining, blaming, self-pity, loss of faith, disobedience—and challenges us to step up and accept our responsibilities. In the wilderness, God teaches us to trust in Him, prepares us for battle, and invites us to discover whose we are. Not who. And while worshipping Him and bearing His name, we are transformed then shown our new callings of hope. I don’t think it’s coincidental that third season of life missions are often in service to others. As Jesus served us. As I now serve, equipped as a writer, teacher, and musician.

All for the glory of God.

Prayer: Dear heavenly Father, thank you for Your guiding hand as, like the Israelites embarking on their transformative journey from bondage in Egypt, You guide us to freedom with Your providential care. Thank you for Your Spirit, our guide, and Your Son, our savior.

Photo by Ryan Cheng on Unsplash