On The Quest for Balance in Life
I am a list-maker. Lists in my first half of life were dominated by “make it through the day” to-dos for raising children and teaching fulltime. Now with an empty nest and a new life mission, my daily lists look a little different. Seeking balance less driven by survival, I focus on five key areas: spiritual, physical, intellectual, social, and community. What I find most important in life is my relationship with God, health, reading and writing, staying current with the news, investing in family, friends, and neighbors, involvement in community groups that strive to better others’ lives, local to global.
Why do we make lists? Marilyn McEntyre asks in Make a List: how a simple practice can change our lives and open our hearts. Below is a partial list of her answers:
To clarify your concerns
To name what you want
To decide what to let go of
To discover subtle layers of feeling
To claim what gives you joy
To dispel a few fears
To explore implications
Spending most of my time in autopilot and efficiency modes during the first half of life, I didn’t give much thought to the items on McEntyre’s list. And perhaps her list is more appropriate to the second-half-of-life experience. Not that I don’t still list the mundane of daily living. But as I pull weeds, clean house, walk dogs, grocery shop, do laundry, and more, I think about the ways I love God, my family and friends, my life—and claim what gives me joy. And when I’m fearful and don’t want to let things go or am just plain vexed, I pull McEntyre’s list from my back pocket and create a gratitude list to count my blessings in all five of the key areas of life.
In this month’s newsletter, Sharla Fritz shares her thoughts about gaining balance in life. Below the main article, you’ll find additional resources on the topic and our usual roundup of media picks from our contributors.
In Him, in balance, and in hope,
Carole Duff for the Sage Forum Team
Finding Balance
By Sharla Fritz
“Today we work on tree pose,” my yoga instructor announces. I sigh. Tree pose does not come easily for me. But I follow along with her instructions.
“Stand on the left leg. Put the right foot against your calf with your right knee opened outward. When you feel comfortable with your balance, place your hands together above your head and stretch them to the sky. Grow, grow, grow your spine.”
My instructor tells us this is one of her favorite poses. But I struggle. Even if I get the right leg in the correct position against my left leg, as soon as I attempt to raise my arms, my tree topples over.
Balance in yoga doesn’t come easily,
Balance in life can present even more challenges.
When I research finding life balance, the internet tells me I need to simplify my life, identify activities that give me energy, design a routine that eliminates chaos… The list goes on. If I tried to follow all the advice, my life would soon feel like my toppling tree pose.
But when I think of a balanced life, I think of Jesus. Although He lived a busy life ministering to many people, He also took time away to care for Himself and connect with His Father.
For instance, in Mark 6 Jesus preaches and teaches in His hometown of Nazareth and the surrounding village. He trains His disciples to minister to others. He grieves the death of a loved one. When the disciples return from their short-term mission trips, He knows they all need a break. Jesus tells them, “Come away by yourselves to a desolate place and rest a while” (Mark 6:31).
To get away from the crowds, they get in a boat and go across the Sea of Galilee. But as they land the boat, they discover the desolate place they sought has become filled with people who want to hear more from Jesus. The Great Teacher doesn’t turn them away but fills their minds with truth and their stomachs with bread and fish. Finally, after the crowd disperses. Jesus sends the disciples back across the lake while He goes up a mountain to pray.
When I look at this account, I see that Jesus had balance—balance between times of pouring out and times of filling up. Jesus poured out through teaching and preaching. He trained His disciples and fed the crowd. But He also took time to refuel. And even when He couldn’t get the rest He had planned, He sought it out later. He went up on the mountain to pray.
How can we follow Christ’s example of balancing times of pouring out with times of filling up?
Pouring Out
This summer has been an intense season of pouring out for me. I have had book deadlines and speaking engagements. I’ve experienced personal circumstances that have drained me dry.
I’m sure you have had such seasons of extreme activity, too. Health diagnoses that gobble all your time. Family crises that drain your emotional reserves. Ministry responsibilities that take every ounce of your energy and leave you an empty shell.
Filling Up
In order to have balance in life, we need to counteract the giving of our time and energy with refilling. I have discovered three practices that help me refuel and find life balance.
1. Daily time with God. Every day, I try to find time to connect with God. I open His Word and listen to His words of love. Sometimes I work on the Bible study workbook that my small group is using. Or I dig in for some in-depth study. But if my soul feels extremely weary, perhaps all I can do is read a psalm and focus on God’s care for me. Or pour out my soul to God in a prayer journal. Or simply sit and meditate on verses of God’s love for me like Zephaniah 3:17:
The Lord your God is in your midst,
a mighty one who will save;
he will rejoice over you with gladness;
he will quiet you by his love;
he will exult over you with loud singing.
2. Sabbath. God instituted the Sabbath for a reason. He created our frail human frames and built in the need for rest. So He instituted a Sabbath—a day of rest. Years ago, I fought this idea of taking a day off. I simply had too much to do! But God kept whispering to heart about the need for a real Sabbath and eventually I obeyed. Now I look forward to a day of no writing, no emails, and no dusting!
3. Personal retreat. Once a month I schedule a personal spiritual retreat. I pack up my Bible and journal and head to a quiet place. In nice weather I go to a park or sit in my backyard. In the winter, I might head to a coffee shop or just hunker down in a quiet corner of my office.
During this personal spiritual retreat, I read a portion of Scripture and spend an extended time writing in my prayer journal—emptying out my thoughts and emotions into God’s loving hands. Sometimes I’m surprised at what flows out of my heart and pen. When I’ve finished uncovering all that is in my heart, I spend some time in quietness, allowing God to flood my soul with His peace and care as I sit in His presence.
Managing Interruptions
During this crazy summer, I experienced days when I couldn’t steep my heart in God’s Word. Weeks when family responsibilities stole my Sabbaths. Months when my schedule didn’t allow a personal retreat. Exhaustion quickly overcame my soul. I felt depleted. I had nothing to give. I broke down in tears over the tiniest problem.
My body and spirit felt an acute need for refilling.
I realized that like Jesus in Mark 6, I needed to reschedule my time for rest. So if I couldn’t find time for God’s Word in the morning, I grabbed a few minutes in the afternoon. If I couldn’t practice Sabbath on Sunday—my usual day for rest—I carved out another day to recharge. If I couldn’t take my personal retreat at the end of the month, I rearranged my calendar to rest a week or two later.
Just like balancing in tree pose takes some practice, finding life balance requires flexibility and perseverance. But we need to keep working to find soul equilibrium by paying attention to the time and energy we give out and how we offset that with time to refuel our hearts in the presence of the Savior.
Jesus calls out to all of us, “Come away by yourselves to a desolate place and rest a while” (Mark 6:31).
What practices help you move toward a sense of equilibrium when you’ve been involved in intense periods of caregiving, dealing with your own health issues, work or ministry responsibilities, or navigating upheavals in your life?
Additional Resources About The Quest for Balance
Feeling Off? Here Are 7 Key Indicators Your Life Is Out of Balance
The Grace of an Unbalanced Life
The Best Way to Find Balance in Your Life (the answer might surprise you!)
What resources would you add to this list?
September Book Picks From The Sage Team
[BOOK] Echo by Pam Munoz Ryan This middle-grade novel kept my attention through a long drive. It's the story of three children living in different times and places that are linked by a very special harmonica. The audiobook makes the story even more special because Corky Siegel, a renowned blues harmonica player, provides the music. (SF)
[BOOK] White Robes and Broken Badges: Infiltrating the KKK and Exposing The Evil Among Us by Joe Moore. A former Army sniper is called to duty by the FBI to infiltrate the KKK. This page-turning account highlights a world that might feel far away from your own, but might be taking place in your own community. (MV)
[BOOK] My Dear Hamilton: A Novel of Eliza Schulyer Hamilton by Stephanie Dray and Laura Kamoie is a well written and easy to read historical novel that connects with my love of all things Hamilton (having seen the musical live a few months ago). A great vacation/holiday read! (RC)
[BOOK] Somebody’s Daughter: A Memoir by Ashley C. Ford. A full-spectrum, coming-of-age memoir that doesn’t try to tie the messiness of life up into a neat package. The narrator grows up in an African-American family broken by her father’s absence due to incarceration and her mother’s unpredictable behavior—sometimes loving but all-to-often physically and emotionally abusive. With the help of friends, our protagonist finds her voice. A complex yet heroic journey. (CD)
[BOOK] Miss Julia Speaks Her Mind by Ann B. Ross. A wealthy sixty-something Southern woman finds her courage and discovers her voice in the face of the revelation that her late husband had another family in this delightful read, the first of a series featuring this sassy protagonist. (MV)
What are you reading, listening to, or watching this month?
A couple of other timely reading recommendations:
This is the season when many of us face an emptying nest. There is a wealth of wisdom and empathy in this series of posts at ThePerennialGen.com.
Sage Forum contributor Judy Allen continues to smash it out of the park with her weekly newsletter about the practical, emotional, and spiritual issues surrounding retirement. Check out Reimagining Retirement here.
O Lord, you who promise that your grace will be sufficent, grant me the grace, I pray, to let go of all the woulda, coulda, shouldas that I might accomplish this day and to do instead the one thing that is most needful, so that I might do my work under the light of your abundant care. I pray this in the name of the One who generously clothes the lilies of the field. Amen.
From Prayers for the Pilgrimage: A Book of Collects for All of Life by W. David O. Taylor
Photos by Glenn Carstens-Peters, SUNDAY II SUNDAY, Worshae on Unsplash
I do daily balance exercises and never quite succeed in balancing, but I persevere anyway—which I guess is a metaphor for all the other ways I seek balance. If I never toppled over, I wouldn’t be trying…
Love this! In my experience, balance in life is never constant. I've had times like you described, full of interruptions and difficulty, when it's impossible to stay in my balanced routine. And I love my routines! Those are times when the best I can do is pray: "Loird, help me. When I am weak, then I am strong." God uses all of it - our balanced and unbalanced days.